1 year anniversary

Tomorrow is my 1 year of being cancer free. It's such an amazing feeling. When I was diagnosed last year I was told that even with treatment the cancer would probably just come back in a year. Now 1 year later I sit here celebrating this miracle. 

Along my cancer journey I have met many others fighting the same fight. Some have made it into remission, some are still fighting, and sadly some have lost the fight. So although I rejoice my heart still aches for my fellow sisters. 

I know I don't blog very often anymore so I will give a quick update of what's been going on. 

I'm still working at the ER and doing some case management on the side. Jim started his career in real estate. He loves it and is doing well. 

I'm still following my No Sugar diet. It can be difficult at times but for the most part I'm use to it. 

My last scans showed no cancer and I have more scheduled in Febuary. I recently found a new doctor that ran a bunch of test to check my vitamin levels, hormone levels, and general blood work. Everything looked great except my vitamin D level. (I might need to get over my vampire ways and get some sun). My hormone levels were really good and show that I am NOT in menopause like previously thought. I'm still continuing to gain weight but most importantly, I feel great. 

So this Christmas I will gather with family and friends and celebrate. Every Christmas that I get to spend cancer free is a miracle and my favorite gift. 

Merry Christmas everyone!!

I lag with my post

I have been really busy and tired so I haven't posted in awhile. My bladder biopsy showed cystitis. Cystitis is basically radiation damage. It sucks but at least it's not cancer. 

About a month Jim and I were at dinner and he noticed that my pupils were different sizes. When I got home and looked in the mirror they were the same size so I figured it must have been the way the light was hitting my eyes. A couple weeks after that a coworker pointed out that they were different sizes. Now I get told that about once a week. So I brought it up to my oncologist. So my next scan will have a head CT added on which is scheduled for August 19. I've  also seen an ophthalmologist who did a full work-up and didn't find anything wrong. He said my pupils are unusual but as far as he can tell everything is fine. 

Overall I have been feeling pretty well. I've been working a lot (blah) but its better than not working. Jim is back at work now too. I'm so proud of my husband who is now officially a real estate agent. So feel free to contact us if you are looking to buy and/or sell. 

Jim and I were able to go deep sea fishing a couple weeks ago. The water was like bath water and we got a ton of fish. Jim even caught a 21lbs salmon. We had a great time with some friends that live in the Bay Area. I love being able to have the energy to get out and socialize. It's crazy how much our lives have changed in the last year. I feel incredibly blessed in my life. 

I will try and post right after I get my scan results. Sometimes I lag but I will for sure post a quick result on Facebook so you can always look for it there. 

Biopsy completed

I had posted in my last blog that I was having some bladder issues. The urologist did a scan in the office and there was some discoloration and bladder wall thickening. The doctor requested a biopsy to be on the safe side so I had the surgery on Tuesday. I woke up in quite a bit of pain but felt significantly better on Wednesday. I went to work on Thursday which ended up being a bad idea. The pain got worse and worse and to make a long story short I know have an infection. So I'm on more antibiotics and pain meds and took a couple days off of work. Lucky for me my husband makes an excellent nurse and has been taking great care of me. I have a follow up appt on Tuesday and will hopefully get the results of the biopsy then. 

On a more positive note Jim and I had a great time on our Mexico trip

Scan was good

      Well I know its been awhile since I posted. I did have my scan done last month and although there is some minor problems there is No Evidence of Disease. There is some damage to my bladder from the radiation and I have to make frequent trips to the bathroom but nothing that I can't handle. The spots in my lungs that they refer to as granulomas have not changed. The cyst on my ovary has gotten bigger and although it causes some discomfort its manageable. My doctor at NIH has been on vacation so I don't know when they want to scan again but I will post when I hear from her.
     Everything else has been going well. I'm back at work full time and on days. I do miss the night staff but I feel amazing being on days and sleeping at night. And although work can be exhausting it makes me feel normal.
    Jim and I will be heading on vacation next week to Sayulita. We got our passports and are planning on using them a lot. And I will continue to blog on our travels.

Life is good

Well I survived my first week back at work. My schedule is the same as it was before I went on leave. 4 on 2 off 2 on then 6 off. Except now I'm on days and I feel amazing.
I'm still doing good on my diet although I did eat some cake for our anniversary. Yes anniversary, Jim and I celebrated our one year March 24th. It's been a crazy year for us but we have a great appreciation for each other and are both so thankful for each other.
I did have a little scare awhile ago. I had found an enlarged lymph node behind my ear. I emailed my doctor immediately and had the choice to do another scan or just wait till my next one. Every scan you do increases your radiation exposure and risk of cancer. I spoke with my oncologist and she didn't seemed concerned about it so I decided to go ahead and wait till the end of April when I'm due for my scan. A few weeks later the lymph node was gone so it was probably a reactive lymph node.
Everything is going so well. Which kind of scares me. I just keep waiting for something to go wrong. I know you all are reading this and thinking I'm crazy and you are probably right.
I would like to end this post with a quote I saw the other night. "My life would be perfect if it weren't for cancer. But if it weren't for cancer would I even know it?"
I don't think I would. I use to take everything for granted. I use to eat whatever I wanted and never exercised. (I'm one of those people you hate that never gains weight). So I would never say that I am glad that I had cancer I sure am glad about the changes it has forced me to make.

I'm so smart! I cured cancer

This was the title of my last blog before I deleted it. It caused a lot of heartache. You would think having such great news would bring excitement but instead I stayed in bed for a day crying constantly.

So i dont really like talking about religion because i dont ever want to offend someone and lets face when talking religion someone is always going to be offended.
But back to my day of depression. Instead of everyone being overjoyed by me curing my cancer everyone criticized me for not giving thanks to god. (It wasnt really everyone but i was depressed so it felt like everyone) I was even told to give thanks to god before he took it back. Take it back? I mean lets face it if god was the sort of person to take things back then i really dont want anything to do with him. Although I was raised religiously I haven't been feeling very religious. The thought of there actually being a god makes me angry. Why would someone that is suppose to be so amazing put me through so much grief pain and heartache. The idea of there not being a god actually makes the cancer ordeal easier to handle. Because then you just figure shit happens no one is lettting things happen they just do. The day before yesterday I found out that a cervical cancer sister passed away. I read her blog religiously and she was full of hope and inspiration. It was reading her blog that actually inspired me to start writing mine. She was my age ( most people with cancer are older) She had the same cancer as me and also did some of the same fertility sparing treatments that i did. She had an amazing attitude. She never seemed to complain and everyone says that attitude is everything. I really thought her amazing attitude was going to curr her but hers just seemed to continue to progress in spite of trying numerous different chemos. Her family along with a ton of other people prayed for her and she still passed leaving behind her 5 year old son. I find it hard to believe that i was cured and she wasnt because more prayers were said for me.
I feel like I have cried more in the last week then I have in the whole year. And this should be a happy week. My cancer is gone. I should be jumping up and down with joy. Dr hinrichs even said that my cells in the lab are responding amazingly and he is baffled by my spontaneous remission. There is no reason for my cancer to spontaneously disappear. So although he can't explain why my cancer went away on its own it makes sense because the cells in the lab were doing the same thing. He is actually in the process of isolating some of my cells so that it might help other people or maybe even possibly find a cure. Finding a cure? Can you imagine how amazing that would be? Finding a cure thanks to the help of my miraculous cells? maybe that's my great purpose in life. Maybe that's why god gave me cancer. After all he couldn't cure me unless there was something to cure. So then maybe there is a god and his plans for me are just bigger than the picture I see now.
I have had the same discussion in my head over and over. If there is a god why does he keep giving me cancer and healing me. Am I continuously missing a calling? I know I'm a little slow sometimes but come on do you really have to give me cancer to get my attention. But maybe he does. After all it took me getting cancer 3 times before I started changing my diet. (I have never had to deal with being overweight so I didn't see the point). It took me getting cancer 3 times before I started looking into treatments other than chemo( which is what led me to a research facility that is able to study my spontaneous remission) but most importantly it took me getting cancer 3 times to sit back and enjoy my life. My husband and I look at each other differently since the cancer and have connected in a way that is indescribable . I have realized what amazing family and friends I have. I mean some of them put permanent ink on their body for me. I would like to think that I would have eventually realized these things but I'm not sure that I would have at least not in the same way that I do now. I think a lot of times in life we get stuck on the same day to day routine. Go to work, do the laundry, make dinner. All we can ever think about is how tired we and how long our to do list is. It is my wish that everyone that reads this looks at the world a little differently today. What if this were your last day on earth?
I've attached the picture of us when we got the good news.

Life has been good (well mostly)

I don't have any new medical news but I did want to post an update on all the good things happening and a couple not so good things.
I haven't had any new scans since my last post but I have been feeling great. My back pain that was constant is now pretty infrequent. I have gained some weight. (Stop rolling your eyes gaining weight is just as hard as losing it) and overall I just feel good. I'm still nervous and paranoid every time I get any aches or pain but a lot more relaxed then I was before.
Jim and I had wonderful Christmas ( 3 Christmases to be exact) and a very mellow New Years. The dogs are happy to have us home for an extended period of time although they do enjoy all their play dates they got to go on.
For the most part we have settled back into living life. Last week I took my ACLS class and I'm scheduled to do my PALS class next week. For those that don't know its just life saving skills classes I have to take for work. Jim took his real estate exam and even though we had a major crisis with the house that distracted him from studying he still passed.
Major crisis on the house is the not so good things that have happened. We live in a two story house and while walking through our formal dining room (luckily we don't really use this room) I noticed a leak coming from the ceiling. We drilled a hole in it to let it drain which gave us about three buckets of water. The next day the ceiling collapsed anyway. It appeared the leak was coming from the master bathroom upstairs. We did some investigation and at first we thought the leak was coming from the bathtub. You wouldn't think it wouldn't be that big of a deal but our bathtub is an oversized tub that has been boxed in and tiled. So we had to cut into the tile and found that everything was puddled and soaking wet but no signs of a leak. After further investigation it appears the water is coming in through the window or the wall of the bathroom. The crazy part is that it hasn't rained in a week or so. So that water has been sitting there for a lot longer than I would have liked and of course there is mold. So right now our master bathroom and formal ding room is all torn out. The good news is that Jim cleaned it all up because he didn't want me around the mold. (Darn cancer) so for now we are waiting for the insurance to come out and take pictures and do their thing and humidifiers are set up to dry it out. But in case that wasn't enough problems we are forced to use the other bathroom which wouldn't normally be a big deal. Well Jim went into the garage after his shower and found a leak in the garage coming from the other bathroom. Luckily that was found to just be a minor leak coming from the toilet shooting water out when you flush it and he was able to quickly fix it.
That's about all for now though. We go back to NIH at the end of February and if everything goes as planned I will be returning to work right after I get back.